Hilf mir zu helfen, ach, mein Gott

Today I heard a story sorrowful

In my ears. Hope was hurt beyond the best

Of mortal help. I covered my head just

To give grief some scant privacy. But oh,

But hated shunning sorrow as it looked

For help in my eyes. I can watch, though long

The night, pray my words will keep greedy winds

From scattering you far away and lost

Forever. But your full remedy, sad

And wretched true, is not in me—I've searched

In vain in the long, raging nights. Ach, Gott.

Binding Tides

I feared the sea’s mercurial pull, stayed

Onshore, when I was small. But now

 I find

With some dismay the ocean is in me.

Moons pull and shove me, but beyond the dark

Blue moods I see a Star for me. So, go,

Rage, waves. See if you can blot out that high,

Eternal north star.

Your consolation

Prize? This. A faulty compass, cast aside.

Miranda by John William Waterhouse

 

Miscellanea Item No. 2

I'm of the following opinion.

Sometimes people--friend, acquaintance, or a chance-meet--make mistakes and are very painfully aware of the enormity of the decisions' stupidity or recklessness. And they are sorry for the deed, not just the consequence.

When these people come to me--for advice, to vent, or so on, and whether or not they have done offense to me personally--I hope God gives me the perception to sense that they are indeed sorry. I pray even more for the grace and kindness of my Brother Christ Jesus to see that they have beaten themselves up enough about what they have done and that I will have the ability to take their "club" away from them--they don't need my help heaping up guilt on themselves.

Not everyone who has strayed from the right path needs a thrashing, and if they do, it's very likely not supposed to come from me.

Hugs, tea or coffee, chocolate, silent empathy, or all of the above are maybe better salves for the grieved hearts.

Gentle man

Gentle man

Learned well in the ways of his Father

Dependable man

Intruding into my despair

Yet can take “no” for an answer—

Frightening thought.

He walked ahead of his beloved,

Gave her a rose—

Thorns gone: he himself had taken them off.

Generously open and red.   

And opened the door for her.

Can it be?

Jesus said, "For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." *

And just as humankind almost reeled into despair at those words, He uttered the greatest, loveliest catch to a death sentence in the span of time: "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." **

Can't quite make that register in your brain and heart? Here's a secret--you don't have to do one better than the Pharisees. No, really. It's ok. Our Brother and Father said so. You're free.

"Oh but nothing's free," you hear over and over, "SOMEBODY had to pay, your freedom cost SOMEBODY a great deal, so you'd better toe the line, or the best you'll get is scant acknowledgment that He saved you from sin and an obligatory corner shanty in Heaven."

Yes. Our Brother, Father, and Comforter paid. The price was high. But They did it because they wanted to. Not out of obligation. What's dearly bought is dearly cherished.

So no more cringing in the dust, crawling along on your belly, and feeling like you need to pay Him back for paying your debt. 

Arise, and breathe the free air.


*Matthew 5:20
**Romans 8:1-4

Very rough draft--suggestions wanted badly

I Laid Me Down

I laid me down to sleep,

Not knowing that the wolf walked near.

I laid me down and sleep

Came no more. Hellfire in the wolf’s

eye is too bright and sleeps

not and forbids me sleep.

I laid me down and slept—

One Shepherd sees through night and

He sees the wolf who does not

And will not understand this light and will not—

Cannot draw one step closer.

It was in vain for me to wake, to

Rise early and run, empty to try staying

The wolf with darting wakeful eye,

To eat my bread in snatching fear.

I lay me down

Because He gave

His beloved sleep.

To my Momma, on her Birthday

What will I ever know of what you are—

What in you gave up nights of rest,

What you saw about me

So worth giving up

the better for you

for the best for me?

Leisure time scratched out by

A trip to the park,

Prestige in the ER,

To be my doctor,

To write love with a feather-stroke touch

on a bruised head,
                raw knees, 

a thousand bee-stings, 

and a stabbed back.

 A chance for a manicure, a new dress,

Traded in for candy bars and toy horses,

A night at the movies

For a theatrical production of

Polly Pockets and Playdough.

When I boarded the plane for college—

A smile for me

Instead of the tears that would make me stay.

I think I recall

that you said once or so,

“I’m not beautiful,

It’s you that shines”—

I must wonder how anyone

Other than a swan

Could give the world a cygnet like me,

As you say that you have.

[This is a post long over-due. My apologies, readers. Summer pulled me along willy-nilly, and I've barely done anything on my computer other than briefly checking emails and Facebook. But I am back.]

A Moment of Thanksliving

Mine is this...my thanks to God for His gift of a humiliation.

An outstanding growth of character came from my Biology and Chemistry classes my first semester sophomore year. I've always been gifted in the area of English, words, and writing. I'm not bragging: I acknowledge it is a treasured gift from my Father. However, prior to the aforementioned semester, I esteemed my gift lightly--I had an unkind attitude towards others who weren't on the same level of understanding English as I was. I never spoke these things, but I would think, "Wow, you're stupid if you can't get this--what is wrong with you?! This is simple." During the course of that semester, I failed basically every Chem. and Bio. lab, quiz, and test--I studied, I got a tutor, and nothing worked.

I've been gifted--however, that's no free pass for me to despise others because they can't do what I can. I pray I never forget those moments of complete confusion and dismay during Chemistry and Biology, because I need them to remind and move me to compassion on those who struggle.

I am thankful for God's gift of humiliation, and I am thankful that He even gave me the ability to learn from it.

Paraphrase of Psalm 136: A Prayer of a Twenty-first Century Woman

Thank You, Yahweh, for being good,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
Thank You, God above all other gods,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
Thank You, my Lord above all other lords,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
To You who alone does great, wondrous things,
 because Your steadfast love endures forever.
To You who by infinite brilliance made the heavens,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
To You who spread out the earth above the waters,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
To You who made all the great, beautiful lights
(because Your steadfast love endures forever)--
the sun to rule over the day
(because Your steadfast love endures forever)
and the moon and stars to rule over the night
(because Your steadfast love endures forever).

To You who intruded on my despair,
because Your steadfast love endures forever,
and brought me out of the dark wolves' mouths,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
With a strong hand and outstretched arm,
You lifted a broken reed and nourished a dying candle-wick,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
To You who walked these sorrowful ways before me,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
To You who holds and watches over the life of my mother, a wounded sparrow,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
To You who sees my tears and feels my pain as if it were Your own,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
It is You who remembers me in my low estate,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
It is You who stays with one word the wolves lying in wait for me,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.

It is You who provides for my every need and hunger that I should not want,
because Your steadfast love endures forever.
I thank You, Yahweh, the only God of heaven...
because Your steadfast love endures forever.

Water Music

Flute player I saw last week
Turned her mouth, drew in air

Swimmer over there
Turns her head, draws in air

Me right here
Turn to you, draw you in

Flute player last week
Cupped her fingers over air holes

Swimmer over there
Cups her hands over the lake

My mouth open,
Cup the words

Flute player last week
Rippled the air, propelled her song in sound waves

Swimmer over there
Rippling shoulder muscle propel her through unsound waves

Me right here
Flicked graphite on this space of soundless white, tried to ripple you.

 A Dancer by the Sea by Chu Yu Xie

Clear

Grace flow like water
To lowest of low. Flee drought.
Come whoever thirsts.